In every movie I’ve watched or book I’ve read, if there’s a period of time where things are going really good, I always think to myself, “Something really bad is about to happen.”
And yet, when it happens in real life, I never see it coming.
I haven’t written in a while because of everything going on in my life. I’m stressed and overwhelmed (if you follow me on twitter, you already know this because of my three am meltdowns lol). But maybe writing it out, I realized, would help just a little piece of me calm down.
I’ve heard that relationships are hard work since I was little. I grew up witnessing the truth of that.
I’ve been told to be independent and stand up for myself, to walk away when I’m unhappy.
But I’ve also been told to stick things out and work on them. That if you love someone, you’ll get through (up to a point, of course).
But when I was stuck in the crossroads, deciding what my next step would be, I was so confused. Which side should I lean towards more?
One side of me was saying that it would be better if we both moved on, that we were young, too young to be having troubles and feeling like things were so serious. But the other side reminded me of how much I love this person, and that relationships are hard work, and that we should hold on.
Relationship troubles aren’t the only thing I’ve been avoiding writing for. But when this was all going down I realized, if I keep waiting and waiting to blog when a good few months show up, I might be waiting for a very long time.
And to be honest, I kind of miss writing these. Even the cringey ones, ha.
So as I’m writing this I realize that yet again I’ve written a post that is all over the place and doesn’t really make sense. But it’s fitting, in a way.
I’m working on happy. And I want to be honest about that.
Things have gotten easier – my relationship is good again, even if we are working on little aspects of different things. Communication, and compromise, is a very important aspect, I’ve learned. I’m also not so sick anymore. Well, not as often, at least. No hospital visits for a whole month finally! That’s a blessing. I’m trying hard to focus on the littlest of blessings to keep my head above water.
With every downfall, I try to bring up a convenience.
In happier news, my friends made it possible for me to go see Superfruit at Ohio Pride, and it was a very much-needed weekend. I got to meet and see so many of my twitter friends, and I really felt so loved and accepted.
I cried a lot. No one is surprised. But they were truly happy tears. I felt so happy that it was overwhelming. And when I went back home and back to reality, the stresses of course came back. But it was nice having the good moments to remember. To hold on to.
Things will get better.
Sometimes they get worse, first, but when it feels like bad thing after bad thing keeps happening, try to remember a time where you’ve felt like this before. Not to bring you down, of course, but to remember when you thought the world was over and yet you got through it.
You’ll do it again.
“Without a struggle, there can’t be progress.”
Love you all,