Hi, my name is…
Well, I’m not really sure who I am yet. Not fully, anyway. I’ve been called many things by others who think they know, of course. “Brows,” “fangirl,” “psychopath,” “loser,” “chunk,” “possible serial killer,” and the worst one, “Sophie.” There are better, kinder names, ones from my friends and such like “KirstSwift” or “Fia.” Which one is the most applicable, though? That’s a lot of possibilities. Which one is me?
Have you ever looked in the mirror and, staring at your reflection, just kind of absorb what you look like? Like, wow, that is me, I am a person who exists and THIS is what I look like… cue later existential crises. I do that, but it’s not always to make me trip out for hours until I’m sobbing on my bedroom floor. I do it because I want to remind myself that no matter how many other faces I see today, this one is mine and there’s not another one like it. It gives me some air of importance.
I’ve gone through a lot of my life wishing that I was somebody else. I think when you’re the kid that is considered different and doesn’t really fit in anywhere, you can’t help but see someone that everyone loves and wish to be more like them. I didn’t like being isolated. I wanted to have friends, and the only way I thought that would be accomplishable is to change who I am, how I look, what I love.
That, my friends, is not the right thing to do.
Don’t change yourself for someone else! You might think that if you change, you’ll gain friends and then you’ll be happy, but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. You might be happy on occasion, but eventually it will hit you that they aren’t being friends with the person you really are, and that’s going to hurt.
Trust me, I know. I’ve lost more friends than I can count because of it.
You want to know something weird? Sometimes you do change, and lose friends for that, because they liked the old you better. I’ve experienced this, too. I think everyone does, at least once. It’s just something that happens.
So… what are we supposed to do? Change? Not change?
Want to know the answer?
Be whoever you feel you are at the time! Just, don’t be a jerk. That’s never good. But be what you feel. If a year ago you liked Fall Out Boy and Pierce the Veil but now you like Ariana Grande and Michael Jackson, that’s okay. It’s okay to feel around and figure out who you are.
Maybe a lot of those things above that people have said about me are true, but it’s not a title FOR me. Does that make sense? My name isn’t Psychopath or Taylor. My name is Sofia Spillari, and I want to be a singer and live in the city. I’m sensitive and can’t always speak up for myself, even when I should. I have shorter hair than Taylor Swift and some days I don’t even wear any lipstick at all. I get really passionate about stuff I love, and that stuff is very varied (spend an hour in my car and you’ll listen to Panic! At the Disco, Eminem, AND Pentatonix). It’s okay that I can’t pinpoint every single detail about who I am yet. That’s what being this age is all about, after all. I’m seventeen and still in the works. We never stop changing, if you ask me. So, with this blog, I’m hoping to help myself know myself a little better. And I guess you’ll get to know me a little better along the way, too.