It seems only appropriate to come back as a zombie from the grave during October, so here I am! Crawling my way back to this blog like Taylor Swift in her Out of the Woods dress — (which, side note: TAYLOR IS BACK!!! Three years has been too long, girl).
Fall is HERE, folks! As I’m basically drinking my pumpkin spice latte, I’m trying to think of what to write about. So much has happened in the nine months since I last wrote a post. I was a ginger for a while, but I’m blonde again. I always go back to her, she’s my favorite. People ask me why I don’t just go back to my natural color, but then every person I ask says I would look terrible with black hair, so.
I traveled much more than I thought I would since I’ve talked to you guys! I’ve been to New York again, Iowa, Tennessee, I was even in Chicago for two months (didn’t do a lot of touristy stuff for that one, though). I met up with friends I had waited so long to meet, and made new ones. I love traveling, like a lot. Sure, I get homesick, but going to new places that I’ve longed to see and having the best experiences there is incredible. They really are adventures, too, because sometimes conflicts get in the way but we work it out and look back on the story with a smile.
I miss being on the road.
I’m stuck here for a while, though, because I’ve enrolled in school (yay) that lasts Monday – Thursday until the middle of November. That’s not so bad, though, because having no distractions like that gives me time to really focus on myself. I go to work, go to school, clean my house, and work on self-improving. It’s a process to accept a lot of the things going on lately.
One thing I’ve learned is that self-pity doesn’t really get you anywhere. You don’t get better by laying in your bed and giving up. I did that for a while, and it made me feel worse. I felt like I was falling apart and not caring about that fact whatsoever. One day while I was watching yet another rerun in my bed, I remembered something my Uncle Lenny used to say : “It is what it is, let it be.”
Let it be.
I understand that you can’t apply this to every situation. It’s not always the right answer. But right now, for what I was going through, it helped immensely. I needed to move on in order to get better. I needed to let go and learn that not everything is going to go my way, not everyone is going to like me.
And you know what I did when I finally realized that?
I took a shower. I put an outfit together. I folded my damn clothes and put them where they belonged rather than letting them become a bigger mountain on the floor.
I’m going through some kind of weird process internally right now. I’m really trying to pull some shreds of confidence together, because it’s exhausting to live in self-hatred. Normally, I don’t like change, but a lot of it is going on against my will anyway, so I’m coping with it. Going with the flow, even. I’m in the works of saving up money little by little to redecorate my old room. I’m tired of the clutter so I’m going to get some shelves from IKEA! Woo!
This post was all over the place. I guess what I’m trying to wrap up is, I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long. I was in a very fragile and unwelcoming state of mind, and I didn’t feel honest writing anything that wasn’t misery (I’m a dramatic, in case you haven’t been able to tell before). But now I’m stable (well, more stable than before, ha), and I want to start posting again. Documenting my life, in a way. Sharing my silly thoughts.
I want to be present again.
So I’m going to try posting more. This is my favorite time of year, after all, who knows what adventures may await?
I hope some travel your way, too.
Love you all,