Four

Okay, so don’t hate me for not writing in years. I don’t have that interesting of a life! No, really. A homeschooled kid only gets so much excitement in her life. Not that I’m complaining, necessarily. Things are hectic enough in my head, so I enjoy the calm over reality when it happens.

I did do some pretty interesting things lately, though! You’ve probably heard the stories of my Pentatonix adventures a zillion times if you’ve talked to me at all since Wednesday. It was so good to see them all again, though. I’d missed hugging Mitch. I swear, hugging that boy makes me feel like everything is going to be okay! There’s something about having face-to-face conversation with someone you really look up to that puts an overall great mood on your week. Also, Kirstie got me sick because she sneezed right before wrapping her arms around me. I’m not really upset, though. Anna and I keep joking about how honored we are to have caught a cold from the Kirstin Maldonado. My mom thinks we’re crazy.


I hope everyone’s Christmas season is going smoothly, by the way. Our house is decked the halls out this year. Admittedly, there are four days left until Christmas and I still don’t have all of my shopping done. I’ve always been a procrastinator, so I guess it’s not that surprising. Christmas has been a tough holiday for me to get through in the past few years, if I’m being honest. I mean, yeah, I’m not the Grinch or anything. I still like the warm feeling that goes around during this time of years, and seeing pretty Christmas lights, and buying gifts for people I love. I also enjoy peppermint mochas from Starbucks and listening to That’s Christmas to Me on repeat (go buy the deluxe version!! it’s worth it!!). It’s not that I hate the Christmas season, per se. It freaks me out that the year went by so fast, and something about Christmas makes me veryyyyy existential. Anna and I like to sit and have freak out sessions about how time is a concept and how we’ll never get these moments again and… yeah, that sort of thing.

I do realize that I’m a lot luckier this year than I was last year. Sure, I still struggle a lot with different things and don’t know how to handle it always, but last year I was alone for the most part. At least, it felt that way. I had this huge struggle on my shoulders that I’ve made a lot of progress with now. I can name about four very good friends that I would do anything for and know I’m very lucky to have. I’m writing a lot, and people are reading it. Anna, Alex, and I (who have been referred to as “the concert trio” as of late) got to hang out with some of our favorite people the other night and we’re still buzzing about it. Whenever we’re feeling sad we get together and make each other feel better, whether that’s by watching John Mulaney for the millionth time or driving around singing Angel by Sarah McLachlan dramatically (don’t ask). Ashley and I drink Starbucks and talk about Misha Collins to make things in our lives go from kinda sucky to a little bit better. And, if you think about it, isn’t that a big part of what Christmas is about? Appreciating those you love and spending time with them? For this moment, I’m getting along with most of the people in my life. I don’t get to say that very often, and I don’t know how long it will last, but I sure as heck am going to enjoy it while it lasts!

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that December can be a depressing time for all of us. We miss the ones we’ve lost, we get panicky over the fact that yet another year is over and you don’t know where the time is going, and maybe you’re stressed about affording gifts that are basically mandatory. It can be hard for different reasons, but you have to find simple moments that will make it alright. Christmas doesn’t have to be a certain kind of great. You don’t have to follow a definition of happiness. You have to find something that makes Christmas great to you, and forget what everyone else says. And I know you’ll all be shocked that I’m making a Pentatonix reference, but if you find something that makes you think, “Yeah, that’s Christmas to me,” then you should hold onto it. Even if it’s just a great album. Because even if this month sucks for you, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy during it. Maybe if you find something wonderful that reminds you of Christmas, then the holidays to come won’t be so bad.

I feel like this didn’t make sense, but hopefully you understood what I was trying to get across. No matter what it is that makes you happy this time of year, whatever it is you look forward to, I hope you have a great time while living it. Because, yes, you do deserve to. No matter what you think.

Merry Christmas everyone, and have a good day to those who don’t celebrate it. I’m going to go fangirl over how adorable my nephews are.