FALL IS HERE!!
Seriously, someone take money away from me. I’ve gone so crazy with all the new pumpkin spice stuff this year that I might just turn into cinnamon and squash.
I’ve also started the #chooseyourhappiness #octoberlovin challenge on my Instagram! Kirstin did this a while back, and I think it will definitely benefit me to find something I love every day during the month I adore so much.
In other news, I’m exhausted.
Alexx, Anna and I drove to Arkansas Tuesday afternoon to see Kevin speak at Harding University.
We had to be back by 9 AM on Wednesday because I had orientation at Old Navy.
It was about a fourteen-hour drive.
Was I miserable? Yes. Was it worth it? Definitely.
The speech was so amazing!! Kevin even performed a few pieces for us. My favorite was Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus, Alexx and I were crying.
There was a quote that he kept making us repeat throughout the speech. A mantra, if you will. And as hard as I tried to make myself remember it, I got so caught up that it didn’t stick. Lucky for me, he messaged me on twitter the exact quote so I can be accurate.
“God is a creative God. If I am made in his image, then I must be creative as well.”
I was instantly in love with that. And I think I definitely needed to hear it!
I’ve never viewed myself as “creative.” I’m very bland. Monotone. The white crayon. So when he said that, it gave me some hope.
As someone who wants to be in the music industry more than anything in the world, I could use a lot of hope that I’m creative. It’s kind of what I need to bank on.
That was actually kind of another thing I related to with him. I’ve been so nervous about what pathway I’m supposed to be on career/lifewise. Nervous that I’m doing everything wrong.
Kevin was a premed student. But he moved to music because he felt a pull in his heart that this was the right thing, that this is what God wanted him to do.
I connected to that immensely. (Though definitely not because I’m premed. I wish I was smart enough for that.) For basically my entire life, ever since I’ve been able to write, my family and everyone around me has marked me as an author. I was supposed to write books, it’s what everyone expected of me. So I did it, and I told myself I liked it. I’ve written ten books. All unpublished, but still. Ten books takes a lot of time. I would stay up until four in the morning writing, fueled by coffee and music. I went to school with my backpack heavy; not from textbooks, but from binders and notebooks filled with stories.
But I think I always knew in my heart that it wasn’t right.
It didn’t feel right. But I knew that’s what everyone wanted me to do, what they said I was good at, so I did it.
But there was a pull in my heart telling me that it was wrong. It wasn’t where I was supposed to be.
I’ve gone through years of hiding that I wanted to be in music. I’ve said I want to be an interior designer, a journalist, a vet. You know, plausible jobs that you can plan from point A to point B on how to get there. I created stories of things that semi-interested me to sound like I had it all mapped out when people asked me what I was going to do (which is everyone’s favorite thing to do with kids, you know).
It made me miserable.
All I’ve ever wanted was to be in music. I’ve been told I’m not good at any of it, that it makes no money, that I’ll regret it… but I feel like that is truly the path I’m supposed to be on.
It might not work out, but right now it’s what I’m supposed to be doing. I can feel it in my heart.
I finally started telling everyone the truth. I don’t write books anymore. It’s not fun for me and doesn’t keep my attention. I still love to read, but I don’t want a job in that community.
And yes, I get a ton of eye rolls and disappointed/annoyed expressions from family members when I tell them I want to be a singer/songwriter. But I get over it.
I truly hope that you all find the path you’re supposed to be on. It might take a while, but I have faith in you. ❤️
Love you all,